Monday, July 30, 2018
In times of crisis, people are fond of saying “Remember, you’re not alone.”
But psychologically you are.
Even if you are chatting with a therapist, you are alone.
Because—psychologically—only you can survive a crisis.
That is if you choose to.
In fact, some people have a more difficult time weathering crisis because they rely on those people who are “there for them”.
They do not realize that they’ve just added enmeshment and codependence into the mix.
They externalize their solution (external locus of control) and in so doing they exponentially increase their likelihood of not surviving the crisis.
You are alone. Accept it.
The opposite strategy is to adopt an inner solution (internal locus of control).
Literally, telling yourself “I can cope” has as much restorative power that the “I can’t cope” has for destruction.
It’s simple—but not always pretty—to choose to cope because doing so summons strength.
Similarly, telling yourself “I have strength” has as much restorative power that the “I don’t have strength” has for destruction.
Telling yourself that you have strength does not make the path easier, but it forestalls further tumbling into the abyss.
Many people pretend to be overwhelmed because they are hesitant to take charge of their lives.
They need a safe space where no one judges.
If that has ever gone through you head, you’re in deep caca.
Obliterate that thought ASAP.
All change in behavior is incremental for its impact on attitude, affect, and wellness.
A person can stop drinking alcohol abruptly, but the change away from being alcohol-dependent takes a long time for the brain rewiring to happen.
And, so, it is with a crisis.
Action can be taken decisively, but the positive impact on attitude, affect, and wellness will take time.
The cliché “time heals” is a truth if the time is used wisely with an unswerving desire to get better.
Ironically, some prefer the pity from others if they are victims rather than survivors.
And it’s not that you shouldn’t seek professional help, but rather that you have to choose for that professional help to do you good.
One of the false lenses people use in a crisis is to panic about not knowing what will come next.
Yet, they live every day not knowing what will come next.
You go to do a load of laundry and the washing machine dies.
You’re at work and get a call that your kid is sick at school.
In normal life, we assess the situation and act accordingly.
In a crisis, some of us panic and flail when assessing the situation and acting accordingly will work ten times out of ten.
What it all comes down to is shoving emotions out of the way and embracing cold, hard logic and intellect.
Being highly emotional is a weakness not a strength.
By reducing your emotional responses and dramatically increasing your logical/intellectual responses, you will be happier in your life and better able to weather a crisis.
Prepare well, my friends.